The ability to listen is a key skill that is rarely valued in our sport. Often, when a player, manager, or coach is speaking to us, we think about what to say to make a good impression or to give the best response.
Has it ever happened to you that you meet someone, they tell you their name, and a moment later you can’t remember what it is?
Or what about that time when an athlete shares their feelings with you, but after doing so, their expression changes, they look away, or they get nervous and defensive?
This probably happens because she hasn’t felt heard, because you’ve just given her a generic answer, without listening enough and attentively.
When we don’t listen, we miss important details about the other person.
Sometimes you think you’re listening, but in reality what you’re doing is creating a distorted version (because you already have a preconceived image of that person) of what they’re saying.
Therefore, it is very important to ask quality questions in order to obtain quality answers.
One of the best ways to listen more effectively is to paraphrase what they are telling you.
The questions you ask can help you to:
- Change the direction of the conversation
- Learn more
For example, asking a player, «Why are you feeling down today?», is not a good question.
I usually ask something like, «How can you achieve a higher energy level today?» or «How are you feeling today on a scale of 1 to 10?»
Another ineffective question is «Why are you doing it wrong?», which you can change to «How could you do this exercise better?»
You could have a conversation with an athlete about her feelings regarding the last match or training session. In this case, you could ask a question to make her feel heard and encourage her to open up more.
«When does that happen to you? How often? What happens to you or what happens around you when that happens? Does it have to do with what you’re doing or does it also involve other people? Does it only happen here or in other contexts?»
These questions (who, what, how, where, when…) will help you obtain more information so you can answer appropriately.
And it is at this point that paraphrasing comes into play .
Paraphrasing is a strategic dialogue structure that allows you to summarize the concept that your interlocutor has just expressed.
After asking a question, or simply listening to your interlocutor, you should repeat what they just told you, trying to retain as many of the words used as possible.
You could start with something like, «If I understand correctly, you’re telling me that…»
or something like: «Correct me if I’m wrong, are you telling me that…»
IN SUMMARY
- I actively listen to what my interlocutor is telling me, or I ask questions and then listen attentively to the answers.
- After a few sentences, I paraphrase, that is, I repeat what he just told me.
This way you will be able to:
- Check if you have understood correctly what they are telling you (avoiding «interpreting»)
- Allow your interlocutor to hear through your mouth what they have just said, thus enabling them to better process their speech and, perhaps, modify it.
If they answer: «Yes, that’s right,» you will reach an initial agreement, creating a harmonious space with empathy, where the interlocutors are in sync.
Start listening better to your volleyball player now.
Good training 🙂
